


everything has passed, but we still wait.

by orphan_account



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Child Abandonment, Child Neglect, Depression, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Rich Goranski Has a Squip, Rich Goranski Sets Fire to Jake Dillinger's House, Suicidal Thoughts, basically his mom is very mentally ill and he grew up in an unstable enviroment, implied rich's squip, kinda ooc but i like angst so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-25 23:41:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20034259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: he jamp, landed and broke his legs. he jamp, and he wonders if this is what she was hoping for, the adrenaline before the pain, the clean snap of his legs and the forgiving darkness that takes him over as he hears people screaming fire.Jake Dillinger is on top of the world.





	everything has passed, but we still wait.

his life used to revolve around alcohol and condoms, of weed and shitty mainstream music blasting at an ear-splitting volume. he remembers his mother putting the radio on in the car at such quiet volumes that he had to strain to hear it.

he knows the heart-jolting wail of a police car and the sound of duffel bags full of unlawful money being zipped shut. he knew the sound of his parents shouting, of police knocking on the doors in a repetitive tune. his mother would drink before she drove, even with Jake in the car, she wouldn't wear a seatbelt even though she religiously made sure he wore his. she sat at the wheel and her hands tightened around the wheel as if daring her- he finally understands her now, he knows what it means.

At school, he's the all - american perfect athletic jock who has large parties and a suspiciously larger house and suspiciously absent parents. he doesn't tell people that his birthday is actually in august and not march, that his name is not jake dillinger and that his parents are identity thieves. (last time he heared, which was two years ago via. his aunt, was that his parents were currently staying in Argentina.)

he meets chloe valentine and brooke lohst in freshman year and he and chloe hit it off especially well; they're both silently aggressive and they need something, _something_, they need it so badly but they have no idea what it is. he thinks, if he met chloe in any other circumstance, he would absolutely despise her. but it's freshman year and she kisses him and he's genuinely okay with it.

he meets rich goranski later. a transfer student. he's his best friend, (and sure sometimes the things he says sound scripted, and sure sometimes he acts like he's getting electrocuted, and sure when he's drunk he'll speak with a lisp, and sure he comes to school with bruises on his face and he'll look like he hasn't slept all weekend (which he probably hadn't) and sure he'll catch rich staring at him) but he likes him because he knows what to say and do, and he obviously enjoys hanging out. 

he learns that his mother was killed in a mugging-gone-wrong when he was eight and his brother ran off and married at sixteen and now he has two children and can barely support them and his drug addiction, and he learns rich's father is a piece of garbage ; and he almost tells rich about the time his parents left him in a hotel room for three days when he was six and he only drank the water from the hotel taps and the single packet of haribos that only lasted for a day. he almost tells rich about the times his mother would burn one of his favourite toys whenever he asked them about their job or why they kept moving states or why they kept calling him different names.

during the party, him and chloe have sex and he can't tell which one of them is crying but they dont acknowledge it - they kiss and kiss and kiss and chloe doesn't say anything when he says the wrong name and she doesn't comment on the fact it's a guy.

rich set a fire and burned his house down. he hates him for it, he hates him, but he vaguely remembers finding rich screaming on the floor whilst his body was literally on fire and he forgets the seering pain as he picked him up.

he's standing at the window, with rich over his shoulder, _something _over his shoulder and _everything _burning behind him and all his insecurities and worries shrink into the size of a window and before the smoke becomes to thick he jumps-

_(_his mother's hands turn white and she grabs onto the wheel and she starts to speed into the sky itself and even though he can hear the wail of a police car trying to make her pull over, and even though he can hear the wind and earth wip past him and his seatbelt tighten against him, he can make out the faint whisper of the radio._)_

he jamp, landed and broke his legs. he jamp, and he wonders if this is what she was hoping for, the adrenaline before the pain, the clean snap of his legs and the forgiving darkness that takes him over as he hears people screaming fire.

"Thank you, Jake." Rich says to him, his body covered in a cast and the side of his face badly burnt and Jake almost, almost believes him. 


End file.
